


Withered Flower Petals

by pala_19



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eventual Romance, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Pining Victor Nikiforov, Unrequited Love, Yuri Plisetsky Swears, at least i hope so, but what else is new
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-18 15:59:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9392501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pala_19/pseuds/pala_19
Summary: He gingerly picked up a single flower petal, completely uncomprehending its existence for a moment. Then, he broke into coughing fit, colorful flower petals flying freely from his mouth.And at that time, as tears were rolling down his cheeks, he finally understood. He was helplessly in love with Yuuri Katsuki, the alluring drunk man, who dry humped him and begged him to become his coach. The connection he felt during their dance was just an illusion. Because Yuuri Katsuki didn’t love him back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, i can't really comprehend the idea of Hanahaki Disease, but this... thing has been on my mind since Tuesday, I think. 
> 
> ...Hopefully, I will be able to actually finish it, instead of abandoning it after first chapter and don't make a complete angst out of it ^^' 
> 
>  
> 
> ...and sorry it's so short, I'm really not used to writing in English and I'm not confident enough to write something longer... well, and maybe I don't trust myself at all, if I try to write something longer, that will take days to finish, then I will definitely abandon it... ^^'

This year’s GPF’s banquet was something else. Who would have thought, that such a stagnant event Viktor had attended year after year, would turn into one of the most joyful moments in his life? And that such an unassuming man, a quiet Japanese figure skater, that Yuuri Katsuki was such a riot after getting drunk?

Viktor didn’t think he ever felt like this before. Like there was this unfamiliar satisfaction, contentment, nothing like elation after his first win at Grand Prix Final or his first gold at World Championships. He couldn’t quite name this feeling, it was just that strange and new to him.

And Viktor could not say he hated it, he reveled in it. After last few months(or maybe even years) of constant feelings of emptiness and overall disaffection it was a much needed and most welcomed change. Viktor couldn’t help, but associate this new feeling with Yuuri Katsuki. With the way his body moved in rhythm with the music, practically creating music with his body, with that scarlet blush on his face, with the way his eyes were sparkling, his entire face glowing as he laughed and held Viktor close in intimate dance. He never felt connected to someone as deeply as that night.

Was this love he lacked 20 years of his life? Was this the feeling he had always yearned but never had time to experience?  

Viktor was reminiscing about that night with a goofy smile on his face. He was still in a hotel in Sochi, day after GPF, lying on his bed, looking through photos from banquet and giggling like a teenaged girl with a crush.  And maybe, in a few minutes Yakov or Yuri will barge in and yell at him for slacking off, call him disgusting for drooling over some mediocre Japanese pig, but at that moment, Viktor was really content and happy.

And then, suddenly he coughed. Well, nothing special, he didn’t feel sick now or recently, and he had to admit that air in hotel was quite dry.

Except, it happened again and he sat up, suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable lying down. He touched his throat confused. He gazed at his lap absent-mindedly and he froze.

_No…_

He gingerly picked up a single flower petal, completely uncomprehending its existence for a moment. Then, he broke into coughing fit, colorful flower petals flying freely from his mouth.

And at that time, as tears were rolling down his cheeks, he finally understood. He was helplessly in love with Yuuri Katsuki, the alluring drunk man, who dry humped him and begged him to become his coach. The connection he felt during their dance was just an illusion. Because Yuuri Katsuki didn’t love him back.      


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Viktor is one, little whiny pussy and Yuri sets him straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn... even I wasn't expecting to write the next chapter so quickly. That was some crazy inspiration I got.
> 
> ...okay, it's 2 AM, and I'm so sleep-deprived this week that it's getting really difficult to form coherent words...
> 
> ...just keep in mind that I haven't done a proofread... and there may be a lot of mistakes... just wanted to finish it and finally go to sleep... _-_

First few weeks after his first symptoms of Hanahaki disease were difficult. Viktor was unable to focus on anything, the biggest sign of rejection constantly on his mind. He drove Yakov mad with his behavior, the man was yelling at him loudly during practice, the words from his mouth were like a buzz for a heartbroken skater – audible, but incomprehensible.

He didn’t know how, but he had won Russian Nationals two weeks after Grand Prix Final. Admittedly, his FS was at its best, he hadn’t given such a good performance in a long time. All that love, that longing, that suffering he felt because of Yuuki Katsuki had been poured into his skating. And that made him feel even more depressed. People of Russia were praising him for his performance, calling him the pride of their country… but nobody had seen a broken man behind that façade. Well, after so many years in the public’s eye he could keep a smile on his face or even joke playfully no matter, how bored he was, or in this case, how depressed he was.

He didn’t have an attack of Hanahaki disease as powerful as the first one. The only indication of his condition were flower petals he found on his pillow everyday after waking up and an occasional cough. He didn’t try to research, what kind of flower had taken a residence in his lungs, the mere thought of its existence(an unrequired love) was too much for him.

And maybe this lack of blatant symptoms was a reason, why nobody, not even Yakov noticed. And while it hurt, because clearly, after so many years of working together Yakov didn’t know him at all(Viktor supposed he couldn’t really blame him for that, his coach did have enough on his plate with several skaters under his wings to pay closer attention to one of them), Viktor was relieved he didn’t have to endure eyes full of pity, or insistent questions about surgery, while he still wasn’t sure, what to do.

Viktor didn’t know, if he should even be surprised, that the first person to find out, was Yuri Plisetsky. Fourteen-year-old, nearly fifteen-year-old boy was, for a lack of the better words, a rash, spiteful little shit. He cussed regularly, yelled at anyone who patronized him and hated to be treated like a child(that he was). He especially hated, when Viktor or Mila teased him. Then he would rage with his arms flailing in all directions and curse them with every little profanity he knew. Viktor loved spending his breaks taunting the teen. Even the long lecture after from Yakov was worth it. But he hadn’t done it recently, spending his breaks on ice.

Viktor was in the bathroom during the practice, when he was suddenly hit with coughing fit, not as strong as in Sochi, but strong enough to make him bend down and grip the sink, before his legs gave out. Flower petals were spread on the floor, their color contrasting badly with the tiles.

Yuri suddenly and loudly barged in.

“Viktor, Yakov wants you to hurry the fuck u-”, Yuri stopped in the mid-sentence, as he took in, what he was seeing. His mouth agape, his eyes wide open, his furrowed brows smoothed for once, Yuri finally looked like an innocent child he supposedly was.

“Close the door”, rasped Viktor, when the teen still didn’t move after a while.  Yuri finally snapped out of his stupor, closed the door and leaned against it. He was gazing at Viktor cautiously, clearly still processing the scene he was witnessing.

Viktor signed heavily and relaxed, when his cough receded. He looked at the flower petals on the floor disdainfully. Why something so beautiful caused him so much pain?

“Are you… are you okay…?”,  asked Yuri hesitantly, his voice echoing in the small space. He was still looking at him with caution, as if he was dealing with a wild and unpredictable animal.

And Viktor finally admitted to himself that maybe, just maybe, he needed to let it all out. That maybe he needed someone to listen, to comfort him and tell him that everything would turn out fine. It was no use lying to Yuri anyway. He had seen too much.

“No, I’m not okay”, said Viktor, his voice hoarse, he was on the verge of crying. “The person I’m in love with doesn’t love me back, how can I be okay…?”, he whispered brokenly.

“Viktor…”

“I thought we had a connection”, he continued unable to stop himself, one lone tear rolling down his cheek. “There was clearly a mutual attraction. How could there not be? He shouldn’t be able to dance like that if there wasn’t any. Did he fake it? Was it all lie? Why am I the only one in love? Why does it hurt so much?!”, he bumbled, his voice getting louder and louder, the air coming in and out of his lung faster than it should.

“Viktor!”

_Slap._

Viktor froze, his head tilting a bit to the right from the force of the impact. Did Yuri… did Yuri just…?

“Calm the fuck up, geezer!”, hissed the teen, glaring at him with disdain. “Stop with your disgusting whining, before I make you into borsht!”

Viktor blinked slowly, still in daze.

“So you fell in love with some fucker and got depressed because of some flowers?”, seethed Yuri. “Should I tell the world that their idol, Viktor fucking Nikiforov is a little whiny pussy? Get a fucking grip!”

Yuri grabbed Viktor’s collar and pulled him down to his eye level. His green eyes were so… expressive, looking daggers directly at blue ones.

“Are you Viktor Nikiforov or not?!”, yelled Yuri, making Viktor jump a little.“ If you can make millions of people kneel at your feet, one extra should be a piece of cake. Stop being so fucking pathetic. I still have to beat you, it’s freaking too early for you to die!”

Viktor was floored.  As Yuri let go of his collar and shifted his gaze awkwardly, he couldn’t help, but break into laugher. He laughed and laughed, until his stomach hurt and his eyes were filled with tears. He could hear Yuri cursing him with a dark blush on his face.

Really Russian Tiger was something else. He felt better already.

But Yuri was right. Why should he wallow in self-pity? It didn’t suit him at all! Why should he cry over Yuuri Katsuki not loving him? He will steal his heart! He will fight for his happiness!

“Thank you, Yura”, he whispered to Yuri, as he hugged him tightly, silencing him instantly. He let go of the boy quickly and walked out of the bathroom to avoid next spout of curses from embarrassment.

And if Yuri cornered him later and grumbled about tiding his own messes and flowers…. He was okay. He was okay for now.  


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor in the slump and basically all his inner thoughts. And some pretty important video going viral at the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn, that chapter was so frustrating >.< I had about half of it written at the beginning of the week, but then I decided that Viktor was too OOC, so I started almost from the scratch.  
> Most of Viktor's frustration in this chapter comes from me. My exams are coming up in two weeks and I still haven't passed all my classes, next week(and I'm ignoring the fact that it's 1 AM here and Monday, when I'm saying it's still Sunday, it's still freaking Sunday) is going to be hellish... Don't really expect the new chapter to appear in the next two weeks^^'  
> And there was supposed to be some dialogue there, but it fell apart because of my frustrating attempts at searching for some airport vocabulary(my antivirus software detected at least three dangerous sites... seriously -.-), where there is actually only one sentence that has anything to do with planes.  
> ...Okay, I'm going to stop here, I'm simply ranting right now. -.-

Despite what some people may think, Viktor wasn’t irresponsible, he wouldn’t suddenly fly across the world on the whim. It didn’t matter, how desperate he was to meet Yuuri and to make the Japanese fall in love with him, they were in the middle of the season. European and Four Continents Championships were coming up, at the end of January and middle of February, respectively. Not to mention the Worlds at the end of March.

Viktor might not care about his career or winning, he had more than enough titles and medals, but he would hate to sabotage Yuuri’s. He would never be able to forgive himself if Yuuri lost solely because of him.

So, yeah, Viktor wasn’t irresponsible. He would wait for Worlds to meet Yuuri again. And if he repeated that to himself many times, because he actually didn’t know, where to find Yuuri(Hasetsu was his hometown, he couldn’t possibly train there), well, nobody would ever know.

With the sound plan in mind, Viktor discreetly made an appointment with the doctor, not wanting to alert Yakov or the rest of the world(if it went viral, he feared his fans would actually kill Yuuri, yeah, his fans were THAT scary). After the trance he had put himself in for the last few weeks, he could think more clearly. Hanahaki disease wasn’t something uncommon, but the symptoms and… the time needed for the flower to flourish and kill its host differed from person to person. There was no cure, except for requited love or surgical removal of the flower, but enough research had been made to predict the growth of the flower and approximate the date of eventual death if not cured. And Viktor preferred to know exactly, how much time he had to woo attractive skater who held his heart.

Not that Viktor was too worried, the average time the flower needed to fully develop in its host’s lungs(or in other words, to kill them) was 5 years and he was confident that Yuuri will fall in love with him in just few months at worst. After all, nobody could ever resist his charm.

Just before European Figure skating Championship he had a bit time off(or at the very least, more time off than just two or three hour between training and sleeping). He could finally spend some time with Makkachin(he hoped his dog hadn’t been feeling neglected), let his always aching muscles relax a bit and dig out every little information about Yuuri Katsuki on social media.

Not that he didn’t know much already, he had found plenty of trivia about him during his training, with Yakov yelling at him in the background to get off the phone. He knew Yuuri was 23, his birthday was on 29th of November, he didn’t use much of social medias, his accounts on Instagram and Twitter hadn’t been updated since, like, forever(and yes, a year was forever), he studied in Detroit, though Viktor didn’t know, what he was majoring in, he was bilingual(though he admitted in some interview he had attempted learning Russian and that was a pretty interesting piece of information), his best friend was Phichit Chulanont, Phichit’s Instagram had more pictures of Yuuri than man’s own account… Yeah, plenty of trivia. But he never had enough time to do through research. He wanted to know everything about Yuuri.

Viktor’s research started with a big… disappointment. He wouldn’t be able to meet Yuuri at the Worlds. Poor guy  wasn’t selected to represent Japan at both Four Continents and Worlds. His performance at Japan Nationals was as disastrous as at GPF, Viktor’s heart ached every time he saw Yuuri flubbing a jump and falling onto the ice heavily, as he watched the recorded footage of Yuuri’s Free Skate. Despite the poor quality and the fact, that camera was far from the skater more often than not, which prevented Viktor from seeing Yuuri’s face, he could clearly see the emotions behind his skating. Disappointment, self-hatred, despair, utter loss. Yuuri was in the dark place and Viktor was in no position to get him out of there.

For the next few weeks Viktor had felt lost. It was different from being depressed, he didn’t know, what to do. He really wanted to help the man(and make him fall in love), but didn’t want to come across as overbearing. He wanted to be with him, the ache in his heart for Yuuri sometimes too overwhelming to ignore, but he didn’t want to force Yuuri to do anything. He was in the slump.

And despite all of that he still dominated European Championships, with none of competitors coming even close to him. He was uninspired as always these days and he still won. And no one freaking noticed. Maybe aside from Yuri, who was watching him like a hawk after witnessing his attack in the bathroom. He was everywhere, where Viktor was, his gaze calculative, as Viktor was coming up with a new program, his last bit of inspiration coming from that banquet with Yuuri and his pure feelings for the man. Both versions of the program felt so bland he was surprised Yakov hadn’t started yelling at him yet for doing it half-heartily.

His appointment with the doctor was rather… anticlimactic. He didn’t learn anything new. After looking at his lungs though ultrasound his physician concluded, that he was still in early stages of Hanahaki disease and had nothing to worry about, at least for the next few months. He also insisted on the next appointment next month to check on the growth of the flower. There were cases, that Hanahaki disease killed diseased after few months.

Viktor even got a photo of the flower growing in his lungs… for the fuck’s sake, this was ridiculous, he wasn’t a pregnant woman!

He looked up his flower on Internet anyway.  Its meaning was pretty inspiring, to be honest.

_It symbolizes honor and remembrance, but it has other meanings too. It can also symbolize the following:_

_Strength of character_

_Faithfulness, sincerity and integrity_

_Infatuation_

_Never giving up_

Well, it was inspiring, just not inspiring enough. Cows would have to start flying to make him feel even a bit inspired. And that was unlikely to happen.

His disease was still practically non-existent most of the time. He was still finding red flower petals on his pillow everyday and he was coughing them up sometimes. But it wasn’t hindering his life. He could still skate, choreograph his new programs, laugh hollowly, socialize with his rinkmates… Even win next Championships, Worlds in this case.

Nothing changed the fact, that he was an empty shell of the person he was few years ago. He was tired of skating, tired of competing, tired of coughing up flowers, tired of his hopeless love for Yuuri Katsuki.

And then, suddenly came a change.

It was morning of his day off. Yakov freaking finally noticed something was wrong with him and decided that giving Viktor some space might be beneficial for his skating(he was probably cursing himself for doing that afterwards). His phone was beeping like crazy from all notifications he got. Viktor was actually scared to check, what happened. But then he manned up and unlocked the screen of his phone bravely.

He was met with thousand retweets of **_[Katsuki Yuuri] Tried to Skate Viktor’s FS Program[Stay Close to me]_**.

And thus, Viktor melted.

Viktor wasn’t irresponsible person. He booked a plane ticket to Hasetsu immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, I wanted to establish, that I'm not going to kill anyone anytime soon. I'm only using Hanahaki Disease as a way to increase angst, not to kill anyone. 
> 
> In the first draft I wanted Viktor's finding out about Yuuri not participating in Worlds to be more... dramatic. It also establishes Yuri as Yuuri's fan, but... in the end it just didn't fit the chapter's tone. So it ended up this way. I won't forget about our little fanboy, though :3 
> 
> Viktor's flower is gladiolus, if anyone's interested.
> 
> ...and why the scientific part was the easiest one to write... ._. My freaking degree is showing... Not to mention what the word "approximate" had done to me... but that's what I get for writing it before my Numerical analysis class....
> 
>  
> 
> ...by the way, on Tuesday I realized Viktuuri is everywhere XD Someone wrote "Viktor Nikiforov" and "Yuri Katsuki" on my bus stop. I was giggling every time I looked at it all week XD


End file.
